Undeleted

BECAUSE BEING “PUSSY-WHIPPED” JUST DOESN’T COVER IT

But you all have Melanie to blame. She sent me all those excellent Doctor Who links! And yes, Melanie, you really need to start watching it. The addiction only comes ever so swiftly, but very enjoyable once it has completely consumed you.  I love you forever for making my morning blossom with your beautiful message filled with Doctah love. 

Also, Tumblr, I have a confession to make. Last night, I believed to have sunk low. Really, really low. My creativity is hanging on a whim, and I posted an ad on craigslist for someone to write with, in poetic plea and narrative. I felt ridiculous. 

Surprisingly so, this morning I woke up to replies. Five of them. Of course, two turned out to be folly, but three promising fellow writers still stand. I’m very pleased, and I feel a small spark ignite allowing me to breath a little easier. Let’s see what I can create! Thank you (surprisingly so) Craigslist! 

I guess I’m back? God, that last post wasn’t promising at all. How could I keep away from all you lovelies? One day. That’s all I could do. One stinkin’ day. Di, you’re bright and beautiful. How could I ever let my pride get in the way. No, I’m still not ok, but I could give a rats ass. I am so thankful for all the supportive replies I got from all of you, and those of you who asked to email them, I will. Just… let me get my bearings.  If I am mad, sad, stressed, or feeling murderous, fuck yes I will vent it out on my tumblr. Que rico se siente cuando lo hago. I don’t care if it’s childish to some, but this is my blog. The one thing that I can type away to with no care in the world. Where I can strip down and open myself much more than I would if I were talking to any of you in person, (mostly because I am shy and hate to unload my personal issues onto people in fear that I might annoy them with my bullshit) and I dunno about you guys, but I express myself a lot better when I’m typing. Sure, I may be a psychotic geek, but I have certain needs to be met, certain morals to be loyal to, and when these needs and morals are unmet and broken, I lose it. I flip. Especially when I get thoroughly mocked and kicked when I’m already down and breaking. Then I just get completely emotionally unstable. By unstable, I mean gone. It doesn’t help that I’m still sensitive about my cat being dead. For you cat-lovers out there, you must know how refreshing it feels to pet a cat when flustered and upset. How releasing it is. And I have none right now. And even if I were to get a new one, I would still feel sorely uncomfortable. Its Lady that I want. 

This is the last time that I let my pride/sour emotions manipulate me to abandon the internet and social networking release such as blogging. I kinda feel like I’m clinging at the edge of a cliff, but I always have my ways to tip gravity to my favor. Sometimes, I remember that I can fly. 

Again, I thank all of you who worried, left a message, or at least read my post and felt something. Empathy is grand. You don’t know how much your words helped. You’re all great, really. I’m not gunna leave this place, ever. <3